REAL ESTATE TERMS
* Unusual location:- In the path of a projected motorway.
* Local authority grants available:- About to be condemned.
* Period residence:- Built in the last two years.
* Select neighborhood:- Beside sewage works.
* Compact:- Tiny.
* Country gentleman's residence:-
No longer suitable for agricultural tenants.
* Unusual features:- No roof.
* Delightful rural location:- In flight path of nuclear bomber base.
* Box room:-
Suitable for accommodating one or two large cardboard boxe's, Folded.
* A wealth of period features:-
Your self, dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit best operated
in rubber gloves and wellies.
* Quite,secluded setting:- On site of proposed dormitory town.
* Well situated:- In full view of the neighbors.
* Within easy distance of:-
Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop local amenities.
* Rare opportunity to buy:- No one else want's it.
* For the gardening enthusiast:- Grounds like a jungle.
* Extensively modernized:-
Former DIY owner had a breakdown under the strain.
* Unspoilt:- Planning permission granted for field next door.
* Deceptive appearance:- It looks terrible.
* Partial central heating:-
The room above the boiler can get warm in summer.
* Easily maintained:- Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.
* Useful outbuildings:- No inside toilet.
* Much sought after:-
It's been on the market at least twice before and still no one wants it.
* By private treaty:-
If it went to auction it would never reach the reserve price.
* Owner eager to sell:-
If it goes within a week the subsidence cracks won't be noticed.
* Subject to new instructions:-
They have just discovered death watch beetle.
* Sold:- Unless idiots like you offer a higher price.