A managed care company president was given a ticket for a performance

of Schubert's "Unfinished Symphony." Since he was unable to go, he

passed the invitation to one of his managed care reviewers. The next

morning, the president asked the reviewer how he had enjoyed it, and

he was handed a memorandum, which read as follows:


1. For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do.

Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the whole

orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.

2. All twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seems

unnecessary duplication, and the staff in this section should be

drastically cut. If a large volume of sound is required, this could

be obtained through use of an amplifier.

3. Much effort was involved in playing the 16th notes. This seems an

excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes should be

rounded up to the nearest 8th note. If this were done, it would be

possible to use paraprofessionals instead of experienced musicians.

4. No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage

that has already been handled by the strings. If all such redundant

passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from two hours

to twenty minutes.

5. This symphony has two movements. If Schubert did not achieve his

musical goals by the end of the first movement, then he should have

stopped there. The second movement is unnecessary and should be cut.

In light of the above, one can only conclude that had Schubert given

attention to these matters, his symphony would probably have been

finished by now.