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Step 5 - Dec 2001 - From AA's Big Book " We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world." to BB Step 5.
Since discussing my first 4th step with a Psychologist -- one Big Book option for a 5th step helper, my perception of the 5th step has widened. Grasping the "Exact nature of wrongs" is much more than unloading moral defects. Wrong and omitted actions written in the 4th step under Self Seeking trigger the Big Book question, "What should we have done instead?"
I can not over emphasize the guidance of every sentence about step five in both the book Alcoholics Anonymous, (the Big Book) and it's broadening and deepening, The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, (the 12&12). Several excerpts from the 12&12 suggest a widened scope of effective 5th stepping additional to the Big Book's clearcut directions.
"The benefit of talking to another person is that we can get his direct comment and counsel on our situation, and there can be no doubt in our minds what that advice is."
"Only by discussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by being willing to take advice and accept direction could we set foot on the road to straight thinking, solid honesty, and genuine humility."
"We shall want to speak with someone who is experienced, who not only has stayed dry but has been able to surmount other serious difficulties. Difficulties, perhaps, like our own. This person may turn out to be one's sponsor, but not necessarily so."
The end of Big Book's step 5 reads: "Returning home we
find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing
what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that
we know Him better. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn
to the page which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading
the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for
we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man
at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in
place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation?
Have we tried to make mortar without sand? If we can answer to
our satisfaction,
we then look at
Entire willingness to be rid of defects of character was explained by Big Book Step Study sponsor as a product of thorough work on steps 4 &5. Note that step 6 in the Big Book is but a few lines.
I'll never forget the feeling near the end of my first step 5 , that obsessions with lust and anger could be removed. Entire willingness to proceed had occured!
A year or so later, a deeper layer of discontent surfaced. I had intended a thorough perfect series of steps the first try, but what happened? Once again, the 12&12 offered a shot of reality. In it's Step 3, are the words, "Nothing short of continuous action upon these (remaining steps) as a way of life can bring the much-desired result."
"Progress not perfection" appears a timely reminder at moments of confusion and doubt about the veracity of AA's 12 step program. Heard at this morning's meeting,
"Don't drink and do the next thing right."
Step 7 - From the Big Book, the 7th step prayer reads,
"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.
I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.
We have then completed Step Seven."The words shortcomings and defects of character are different, in my opinion. Like many other AAs, I used them interchangeably at first. Today a defect of character is a pattern of thinking that conflicts with recovered ideals.
Shortcoming suggests action that comes up less than recovered ideal action.Considerable relief occured knowing that it may be impossible to delete undesirable thoughts. However, healthy action is well within our willingness. Repetition of recovered behavior develops intuitive response to things which used to baffle anf frustrate us. Former faulty responses to life's events may pop into mind. Quickly however, AA's newly learned and practiced thinking and acting overpowers the old ways.
The 7th step prayer mysteriously and gratefully hastens this process for me in stubborn situations.
"It works it really does." (BB end of ch 6)
"We made it when we took inventory." (BB stp 8)
However, during a score of years after those words were published, AAs observed that some folks harmed were not resented, feared or sex objects - the parts of the Big Book format.Therefore, a significant update appeared in 12&12's step 8. About the amends list, "To a degree, he has already done this when taking moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt, and in what ways." The 12&12 discusses emotional and other damage to those not necesarily resented. We sincerely intended to love many people, but actually abused them with alcoholic behavior.
OUR LIFES NAMES labels a master index inspired by the 12&12's redoubled thoroughness. I may be in a minority that has added this to the front of the 4th step inventory. It's use for about 8 years is observed to unclutter and quiet the mind.
Step 9 - Made amends except when to do so would harm.......(12&12)>......and have begun, by our behavior and example, to convince those about us that we are indeed changing for the better,.......
Step 9 is the last of change steps. Credibility of amends assumes that damaging behavior has been treated and changed during steps 1, by not drinking, and 2 through 8, by achieving non abusive sobriety.
Every sentence in the Big Book and the 12&12 has guidance for the different settings that warrant amends. Please read these books together over and over about step 9, in order to not cause more harm.
"Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime."
By step 9, we probably have improved grosser flaws in our makeup. About ten years sober, with 8 years of Big Book focused step work, my sober life still had rough edges. I returned to college at age 57, studied Interpersonal and Group Communications, Logic, psychologies - 101, Abnormal, Child , Adolescent, Crisis Intervention/Counseling, etc.
Gradually, I added 12&12 step meetings. I believe now that the 12&12 was inspired by early AA's struggling with rough edges even after grosser defects were improved. 12&12 Steps 8 through12 and the Traditions added much guidance to correct thinking behind the rough edges of behavior.
Again from the Big Book p84, perhaps my most important alternatives to drinking,
- "Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.
- When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.
- We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.
- Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.
- Love and tolerance of others is our code."
St. Francis Prayer in the 12&12 confronted me about motives during my early AA days . "By self forgetting, one finds." Some years later, the Big Book words loomed out with similar wisdom. "Resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help."
Most helpful to meditation about powers outside of myself were Big Book page 86 directions for starting and ending each day at a time. Link to p86 directions with comments.
With the linked page up or the Big Book open to page 86, consider that the first paragraph's directions calm and prepare the mind. Then we are in better state to consider changes in our usual opinions. We are raedfy for later directions such as "see where religous people are right" and "There are other helpful books also."
After a few hundred daily readings of p 86 , I heard mention in an AA meeting of the book "Sermon on the Mount" by Emmet Fox. Fox's book is reported as a main reference of AA's co founders before publishing the first Big Book. Indeed, my reading "The Sermon on the Mount" improved and even reversed many flawed perceptions of religion and God. Please read this reference revered by Bill and Bob. After AA's Big Book, many friends feel Fox's book to be most enlightening about step 11.
-- Having had a spiritual awakening.....
-- Practice these principles in all our affairs......
-- Carry this message........
I can not stress enough that the 12&12 did not repeat the Big Book's clearcut directions for effective communication with a suffering alcoholic. Please read the Big Book chapter "Working with Others" over and over before saying more than hello to prospects for AA.
I've come to highly value the 12&12's step 12 as a questionaire for self evaluation of one's recovering condition. Rigorous honesty to one's self may be disconcerting while contemplating each question and comment about interpersonal relations, motives, etc.
RogerG